Families are Forever

Picture taken at cabin.

Today was fast Sunday.  In my humble opinion, there is nothing fast about fast Sundays...  Every minute is like an eternity when your belly is so empty it thinks "Forget about the nerves that are supposed to convey to the brain that I need food!!" and proceeds to growl in a church meeting while your face turns bright red.  That was not me though, not today anyway, because I give myself the ultimate trump card when I'm pregnant or nursing.  It's one of the many sacrifices of being a mom.

As I sat in sacrament this afternoon, my heart started pumping faster and faster without my authorization.  Darn you, heart!  Why is it so hard for you to grasp the idea that there is no need for you to work any faster than normal when I'm sitting perfectly still?  I felt like I needed to go up but I didn't know what I would say so I sat and listened to others' testimonies.  Forty minutes later, the clock struck 2:05 p.m.  It was past our normal time to close and yet our bishop was still sitting there with no intention whatsoever to stand up and close the meeting but no one else was going up to the podium.  The chapel was silent.  My heart was racing.  Thirty seconds had gone by...  Sweaty palms...  One minute...  I swear the bishop was staring and smiling at me...  Two minutes...  Gah!  Fine, you win!  I stood up with trembling feet and walked onto the stage.

I overcame the embarrassment of my imperfect English and shared my testimony.  I felt like I was able to express almost everything I wanted to say but not all and that's when this blog comes in handy.

My testimony of the gospel is a simple one.  I have always known it to be true but when Ethan was born, I got distracted and started thinking of all the what-ifs.  What if it weren't true?  What if the family cannot be forever?  What if Ethan and my relationship is only limited to this life?  I could not bear the thought that the family I've created in this life is going to have an end, and that when my life comes to an end that I will be gone from Ethan's life forever.  So I had to know, again, with even more certainty than ever before, that there was indeed a plan of happiness and that my family can be together forever even after death.

This time, the answer to my prayer for a stronger testimony did not come all at once.  It was not an aha moment like it was so many times before.  As I strived to pray and read the scriptures with Ethan everyday and to study them myself, the answer has "over time distilled upon my soul as the dews from heaven."  I know that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true.  Jesus Christ is my savior and the power of the atonement is real.  He loves us so He has provided a way for us to be happy.  Families can and are meant to be forever and I am grateful.

Ethan has made me a better person in so many ways, even in ways I have never imagined.