Dear Ethan

Dearest Ethan,

You are such an angel baby.  Words fail to describe how happy and blessed I feel to be your mother.  You're thirteen months old now and such a joy to be with.  You're happy, mellow, curious, and extremely smart.  You are very cautious with strangers and new environments, but the serious look on your face never stops strangers from approaching us and complimenting on how cute and handsome you are.  Mommy is starting to worry that this might become a problem when you're older.  You understand a lot, both what I try to communicate to you and what goes on around you.  You're a very easy baby who rarely cries or complains.  Just like today, we had to run many errands, four times we came home after each stop and then got back in the car to go somewhere else, but you never fussed or showed any signs of impatience.  Mommy has no idea what I have done to deserve an angel baby like you but thank you for being so patient and happy all the time.

For a long while, you've learned to clasp your hands together and to tuck them right under your chin when we tell you that we're about to pray.  You usually lose interest not long after we say Dear Heavenly Father, however, you've been doing something really cute lately.  You stare at mommy, the ceiling, daddy, and then the carpet throughout the prayer, but whenever you hear us say ...in the name of Jesus Christ, amen... you immediately clasp your hands together again and then look at us with a knowing mischievous smile on your face.  Mommy is constantly surprised by how much you understand and learn just by observing us.

Another cute thing you've been doing is to cover your nose up when you hear me say stinky and when we change your diaper.  You also do the same thing when you laugh, or blow a kiss, or sign thank you. It's a very useful motion to have mastered my dear.

Thank you for making my everyday life worth living.  I love you.

Yours always,
Mama

Letter to Ethan 9/11

Dear My Sweet Son,

On this day many years before you were born, something terrible happened and many, many people's lives were taken.  It was a tragic day.

Mommy can remember exactly what I was doing when I first found out what was happening in a faraway city on the other side of the world.  I was in my bedroom getting ready to go to bed when I heard your grandmother gasp and make a horrible sound from her bedroom.  I dropped everything I was doing, frightened, and ran into her room.  I saw her sitting on her bed with horror on her face staring at the TV.  I turned and saw it myself as well.  That night, I cried hard and couldn't figure out how this world could be so bad.

I remember going to school the next day.  Our school cancelled classes and held a special assembly in the assembly hall.  I remember all the students being called to arise from our seats when our principle and teachers entered the hall in a line, one after another, all with bowed heads and solemn faces.  I remember seeing our two foreign teachers, one from England and the other from the states (if I remember correctly), coming into the hall huddled together crying and I remember the stinging in my heart.

Little bug, I'm sorry to say that mommy still hasn't figured out why the world is so bad at times.  Sometimes bad things happen to good people and when you see things like that happen, there will be a sad feeling in your heart.  It's okay to feel that way.  Don't try to bury it.  Instead, do something about it.  Mommy believes that in the very middle of us, something is there to tell us what is right and what is wrong.  And when we see wrong in this world, that little something tugs at us, telling us that it should not be that way.  It is what we do about that feeling, what we do to right the wrong, that makes us different.  Mommy hopes that you will grow up to have the courage to follow that feeling right inside of you.  When you see someone sad, have the courage to comfort him and make him feel better.  When you see someone hurt, have the courage to help her.  When you see someone lonely, have the courage to be his friend.  Mommy promises that I will try my very best to do the same.  We are a team.  And the good news, mama believes, is that there are more people on our team than there are on the other.  I have no doubt that right will always win in the end.

Love always,
Mama

Dear My Sixteen Year Old Self

Dear Self,

Hi there.  Listen girly, one piece of advice today-

Do not, and I repeat for exaggeration, do not ever consent to accept any jewelry from any of your male acquaintances under any circumstance unless his name is Jake with blond hair, blue eyes, and speaks perfect Cantonese.  Do you hear me?  For it will only lead to heartbreak...

Sure it might seem like a very romantic thing for an admirer to hand you a robin-egg-blue-colored box with a perfectly tied white ribbon wrapped around it, and you might feel awkward refusing the gift but it would be a wise decision to just say thank you but no thank you.  And then say it again to the many more robin-egg-blue-colored boxes that will be presented to you in the future.  Because when that person no longer admires you nor you him, you will think to yourself Darn it!  Now I can never wear that tiffany bangle that matches so well with everything and makes all of my outfits look so much better.  And then you will go out in search for another bangle that will fit your tiny little wrist just as perfectly and fail miserably.  Still, you refuse to wear the one that was gifted to you so you buy another one, exactly the same, and hope that if you ever run into your ex wearing the bangle that he will not mistake the gesture.  Because, let's face it, the best thing you got out of that relationship was the knowledge that Tiffany makes an absolutely stunning bangle that fits you perfectly.  Was that too harsh?  I'm not sorry to have spoken the truth.

And guess what?  That Jake I mentioned earlier.  He is going to be the one.  Believe it or not, he absolutely adores you and is running out of ideas of what to get you for all of the special days that you're going to spend together.  He will get so desperate that he'll come home one day and have in his hands frying pans as a "just because" surprise present.  He's really cute, that one.

Yours truly,
Your Wiser Self

Dear Ethan: { Nine Months }

Dearest Ethan,

I can't believe that I've known you for only a little over nine months; it seems as though I've known you forever.  How could this be?  I do not know, but perhaps I'm feeling this way because I have loved you for a long long time.

You are the sweetest baby ever born, always so kind and sensitive.  You love kids and babies.  Whenever you see a child, you always lean your little body toward them and babble or wave to try to get their attention.  I have no doubt that you're going to be a great big brother someday.  You've learned how to give big wet kisses on demand.  We call them lion kisses: you open your mouth so so big and then chomp down on my lips.  You've also learned how to scrunch up your nose whenever I ask you to do a funny face.  You are so cute I die several times everyday.

Your eighth tooth came in last week and you've been acting really sensitive today.  I suspect that more teeth are on their way.  Your little body is getting so strong.  You stand up with almost no effort at all.  Sometimes you think that you can stand without holding onto anything.  I'm sure you will be able to do it very soon now.

Ethan, mama wishes that you could remember your days with me right now--we have so much fun together.  You continue to motivate me to become a better person.  Thank you for making me so happy.  If you could learn only one thing about your mama, please know that I love you and your baba very much.

Love always,
Mama